Why You Should Never Take Offense

We've all been offended by someone because it's human nature. Being offended feels like a mixture of turmoil and anger tossed with annoyance and hurt. Being offended by someone can be painful. We can lose sleep over it while trying to think of what we can say back that's even better. We might gossip to others about this person. A lot of us might think about what they said over and over again and feel the pain over and over again. It's a vicious and hurtful cycle and it's a really gross feeling to feel offended. There's no fun in it. It's painful.

So what if we choose to not take offense? What if we choose to not be hurt or in pain over it? What if we make the choice to not have anger inside of us and not have turmoil or a lack of sleep? It's totally possible. Taking offense is completely up to you. It's called TAKING offense for a reason. You decide to take it or not. Now, it does take a bit of practice, but let me teach you the most simple way to achieve it.

Feel it. Recognize it. Think about it.

And then Get over it.

First, when you feel offended, recognize it. Recognize that the feeling you are feeling is a choice. Then you need to give yourself 5, 10, maybe 15 minutes to mull it over depending on the situation. Maybe you even need to cry about it. Give yourself a minute to feel it. But don't let it be a long period of time.

Next, really think about it. Why does it offend you? Was the person trying to put you down? Was the person trying to be better than you? Maybe the person just has issues with being blunt and opening their mouth when they shouldn't. We all know people that don't have a problem saying what they think whether it's respectful or not. There's also bullies out there that are relentless, or friends that are trying to help by giving their opinions, or a peer having a laugh at you. Maybe you have an encounter with a stranger on the street that really offended you. Or a stranger online that doesn't know anything about you. Maybe someone doesn't have mental stability, or maybe you're just dealing with a full blown narcissist that blames everyone else for their issues.

So now that we've established that everyone else's issues are offending us, let's take and look at what that really looks like. Whether that person wanted to put you down to feel better about themselves, or because they're just unkind online, it's THEIR issue not yours. If they have a problem with you, it's THEIR issue. If they don't think you're doing something right, (like parenting your child or because you're taking too long to scan your groceries), it's THEIR issue. None of these issues are yours even when they try and put them on you. It's completely THEIR issue. If they have a problem with you, it's their problem.

The definition of taking offense is, "to become angry or upset by something that another person has said or done." Read that again. We are letting another person cause us to feel terrible, lose sleep, be angry, be annoyed and feel gross!

Remember: Ships don't sink because of the water around them. ships sink because of the water that gets in them. Do not let others sink you.

It's those petty comments where someone over-steps their bounds and comes across disrespectfully. Or it's a snide remark made on the side during a casual conversation. It's the advice telling you you're not doing something right. It might be someone who disagrees with you and tries to be hurtful about it. When someone is disrespectful, we need to recognize it for what it is...disrespect. And if someone else has issues of being disrespectful, that's THEIR unfortunate trait, not yours.

It's easier to disregard things when it's a stranger, but what if the offense comes from someone that is close to you, like a family member, spouse, or a close friend? Depending on the situation, talk it out if needs be. Communication is important, and if they continue to disregard you and continue their actions, it might be important to set boundaries. (Verbal abuse is different, and that's for another conversation).

TAKE NOTE: Offense is sometimes a disguise for jealousy and envy.

If when you ask yourself, 'Why am I offended?' and you realize there's jealous feelings involved, start working on you. Start loving you. Believe in you. Dare to be you. Dare to love you. And encourage others and praise their accomplishments. Don't be the one dragging someone down to make yourself feel better. Love yourself first so that you can love those around you fully.

As a graphic designer I had to quickly learn the difference between constructive criticism and disrespect. Learning to be able to work well with constructive criticism took practice and now I LOVE it, in fact I look for it. When I'm designing something for someone else and I want them to have a lifelong joy from the product I'm creating, I realize that any constructive criticism is going to get me to that end goal.

Offense is everywhere waiting to torture you...or not.

Don't take offense, it's their issue not yours. Why let 5 seconds of bad ruin 24 hours of your day? Feel it. Recognize it. Think about it. Get over it. There's never a need to drag out those gross feelings. Make your own sunshine and keep sharing it with others. Peace is just so much better than bitter.